Do you know what hopes and dreams you have? Do you get frustrated with your partner if they don’t live up to your expectation? Paying attention to your own needs helps you understand your partner better. — Martin and Janice arrived for our third couples therapy session with flushed faces. On the way to the session they had been arguing in the car. Janice was very clear who was to blame: ‘If you didn’t always react so aggressively, we wouldn’t be sitting here’. Martin looked resigned. ‘You…

You will both have different expectations of relationships. Sometimes this can create difficulties. Learn to understand how your relational styles combine. — When Jeff and Marion first came to see me for couples therapy, Jeff was at his wits’ end. “However much I try to get closer to Marion, she just won’t have it. I feel she is constantly pushing me away.” Marion sat in stony silence. I could practically feel her…

We were born to bond. And understand that can help. — Loneliness can be one of the most debilitating experiences for us. It can lead to depression and anxiety and a whole host of other mental health presentations. From the moment that infants are born they are hardwired to relate to other human beings. We are born to bond. Our very…

Both you and your partner will change in a relationship. And that is OK. — You are not the same anymore Jane sighed deeply, arms folded. Again she was exasperated with Martin: “‘How many times have I told you that I hate it when you constantly check on me. …

Addressing shame needs deep understanding, gentleness, compassion, and empathy. — “Soul, if you want to learn secrets, your heart must forget about shame” -Rumi Shame is one of the most underrated while simultaneously omnipresent and corrosive emotional experiences in life. We may not even be aware that what we are experiencing is related to shame. Shame has many disguises —…

Are you in control of your intelligence? — What is your thinking about intelligence and your abilities? Is it nature or nurture? Do you think of your intelligence as something that you are born with and that you can’t do much to change? …

Knowing how to listen to your partner will change the way you resolve conflict. — Shouting into a black hole Natasha raised her voice bar by bar: “I told you a hundred times already — I do not want to spend my holidays with your sisters again. They are toxic and I won’t waste my time on them anymore!” …